


An Ocean Apart

by A_Tsundere_In_A_Sweater



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Childhood Memories, Growing Up, M/M, Ocean, Time Skips, there are also appearances from Inaho's gang but they don't play an exceptionally large role
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 09:02:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13337922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Tsundere_In_A_Sweater/pseuds/A_Tsundere_In_A_Sweater
Summary: There are memories that he cherishes and holds close to his heart. Bright memories that he clings to on days when life seems bleak.There are memories that he doesn't want and pushes far away whenever they surface. Dark memories that he would do anything to forget.There is one memory that isn't quite there. A memory that floats just out of his reach. Why is it that the thing he wants to remember the most, is the thing that always eludes him?





	An Ocean Apart

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to post something for Slaine's birthday, and this idea popped into my head. 
> 
> A big thank you to [bluewire13](http://bluewire13.tumblr.com/) on tumblr for constantly listening to me rant about these two boys.

He had been very young, still teetering around on unsteady feet, the first time he went to the ocean. He has few memories of this time; really, they're more like feelings – happiness, wonder, excitement. The one real memory he has is vague: a woman's face. Her features are blurred, a result of time. It has been fourteen years, but he can still see her smile. It was radiant, full of light. That picture in his mind is the only memory he has of his mother; three months later, she was gone. His father had removed all pictures of her from their house, though something told him that there had never been any in the first place.

Sometimes he thinks that he remembers her saying something to him, that day on the beach. He's tried countless times to remember what it was. Every time he comes close to grasping the memory, the words disappear, as if snatched away by the winds of time. He wonders if maybe her words had been a sign, something telling him that she would be leaving soon. He'll never know. Maybe some things are best left in the past.

_His father never talked about why she left._

* * *

The second time he had gone, it had been cold. He remembers the biting chill of the wind that seemed to cut through to his skin, regardless of how many layers he had been wearing. He remembers how the sun had been obscured by grey clouds, and how the sea had churned as if it were fighting some invisible enemy. He remembers thinking that the ocean is powerful, and realizing that there is a beauty in that power. He remembers reading books about ancient peoples who worshiped the sea as though it were a god. He remembers thinking that perhaps only a god could lend the water such might.

He remembers looking at his father, who was staring out at the water as if there was some answer to be found within the rolling waves. He looked tired. The past two years had aged him.

He remembers how his father spoke without moving his eyes from the ocean.

His words were quiet, nearly drowned out by the roar of the sea.

“She loved it here.”

The ocean is cruel. It will crash relentlessly against the rocks until they are worn away. It will drag you down and swallow you whole until there is no trace of you left.

_That was the first time his father had mentioned her since she left._

* * *

It had been another five years before he returned to the sea. It had been warm, like the first time he had gone. The ocean had been calm. The sky had been clear. The sun had warmed his skin. He remembers collecting shells along the water's edge. He still has them. They're sitting on a shelf in his room. He remembers that day when he looks at them. He remembers looking up at the sky and marveling at its color. He remembers comparing that color to the blue of the sea spread endlessly below it. He remembers asking his father why the sky is blue, even though the air is transparent.

He remembers his father telling him that water and air exist in such large quantities that they refract light, causing the sea and sky to appear blue. He remembers the small smile on his father's face as he continues speaking.

“She was always curious, just like you.”

He remembers treasuring this information, and his father's smile.

The ocean is never the same. Its cold waters bring pain when you immerse yourself for too long. Its warm waters are soothing and seem to erase your worries, if only for a moment.

_That was the second time his father had mentioned her since she left._

* * *

They go again the next year. That time was one that he tries to forget. It hadn't been hot. It hadn't been cold. The water had been unnaturally calm. There had been no wind. There had been no cries of seagulls. His father's face had held no emotion. His father hadn't even glanced at the sea. His father hadn't even looked at him. It had only been minutes when his father had turned away. Had turned his back to the water. He had only said four words.

“She's never coming back.”

The ocean is lonely. It is deep and dark and vast. It looks lifeless when there is no wind.

_Those words his mother spoke all those years ago had never felt so far away._

* * *

Thirteen years old. He hadn't felt any different. Thirteen had felt the same as twelve had. His father had continued to work. His father had continued to age. Even the ocean had been the same. The trip had been a birthday present from his father. He remembers how he sat on the rocks. He remembers watching the tide go in and out for hours. He remembers liking it. The way the tide never changed. He remembers wondering how different things would be if she hadn't left. If she had still been there. Would they have listened to the cries of the gulls? Would they have stood knee-deep in the water and laughed? Would they have rested on the sand and -

“She's never coming back.”

He remembers the sadness he felt when his father had said those words two years ago. He remembers feeling nothing when he was thirteen. He hadn't felt happy. He hadn't felt sad. She was gone. She was never coming back. That was the way things were. He couldn't change it. Nothing ever seemed to change.

The ocean is constant. Its tides ebb and flow without pause. It extends as far as you can see. It will always be the same no matter how many times you return to it.

_His father didn't mention her that year._

* * *

It had been warm the next time. The warmth had been a reminder that he was far away from home. It had been his first time at a Japanese beach. It hadn't felt like home. It hadn't felt like home, but it had felt comforting. The warmth had been a reminder that he had left his old life behind. It had been a reminder that he could start over. His father hadn't gone to the ocean with him. They had moved to a small house only ten minutes away. He had gone alone. He remembers watching the sun glint off the tops of the waves. He remembers letting the feeling of warmth fill him. It had been two years since he had last gazed upon the sea. Two years since he had last been warm.

He hadn't meant to. He hadn't realized what he was doing until he had felt the drops fall on the backs of his hands.

“I wish you were here.”

The ocean is nostalgic. It is bright like the smile his mother had given him so long ago. It is quiet like the pained words his father had spoken to him when he had been only ten.

_He wondered if she had heard him._

* * *

The next year had been different. He hadn't gone alone. He hadn't gone with his father. They had gone with him. They hadn't taken no for an answer. They had made him feel things he hadn't felt in years. Happiness. Wonder. Excitement.

He remembers when he had first met them. When he had struggled to remember all of their names. Asseylum. Inko. Rayet. Nina. Calm. Inaho. They had extended the hand of friendship and invited him in. Invited him into something that made him feel happier than he had been since that moment with _her_. He remembers feeling embarrassed when Inaho corrects him. Rayleigh scattering. That was what he had explained made the sky blue. He remembers listening to Inaho in awe and wonder as he had gone into detail. He remembers the feeling of excitement that had coursed through him when they had proposed it. Beach volleyball. A simple game, but it had made his heart race.

He had been to the beach many times in the past year. All of the times had blurred together. He remembers – he will always remember – that day.

“I wish you could meet them.”

The ocean is alive. It is home to countless animals hiding under its glassy surface. It rolls and tumbles like a living creature.

_His mother's words had slowly crept towards the front of his mind – still just out of reach, but closer than they had been ever before._

* * *

This year is different. He doesn't go alone. He doesn't go with his father. He goes with Inaho. With only Inaho.

They sit on the sand, talking about anything that comes to mind. Rather, he talks while Inaho listens, making the occasional remark.

They watch the birds fly overhead. He tells Inaho about each type of bird. He blushes when Inaho compares him to the seagulls. Resilient. Creative. Intelligent. He doesn't believe these things, but he'll nod. He'll do anything to keep that look on Inaho's face. He's sure that the look on Inaho's face is happiness. He's sure that the look on his face is the same.

They listen to the sound of the waves rolling against the sand. The silence is comfortable. He lies his head on Inaho lap; feels fingers carding through his hair with a delicateness he is aware that Inaho possesses, yet surprises him every time. Inaho smiles down at him, and his eyes widen.

A picture flashes in his mind: a woman's face. Her features are blurred, a result of time. It's been fourteen years, but he can still see her smile. It was radiant, full of light.

Sometimes he thinks that he remembers her saying something to him, that day on the beach. He's tried countless times to remember what it was. Every time he comes close to grasping the memory, the words disappear, as if snatched away by the winds of time.

This time, her words are clear, as if she were standing right beside him.

The ocean is benign. It does not actively seek you out and harm you. It offers a respite from your troubles.

_“I love you, Slaine.”_

**Author's Note:**

> In case it wasn't clear enough, the ages of Slaine in this fic are 3, 5, 10, 11, 13, 15, 16, and 17.
> 
> I had to post it a bit early, because I doubt I'll have time to post it on his actual birthday. Although technically, it's Slaine's birthday in some timezone right now.
> 
> This is my first time posting something in the a/z fandom. This is also my first time writing in this style. I would love it if you had the time to give feedback :) Constructive criticism is always welcome. a/z is also my favorite show ever, and Inasure is my OTP. Please please please come rant about this show with me on [tumblr](https://kaizuka---inaho.tumblr.com/).


End file.
